Road House is a 2024 American action film directed by Doug Liman, a remake of the 1989 film. The film stars Jake Gyllenhaal, Daniela Melchior, UFC Legend Conor McGregor, J. D. Pardo, Arturo Castro and Billy Magnussen. The movie was released on Amazon Prime Video on the 21st of March 2024. This movie had the perfect mix to be a typical ’80s action flick – sullen good-looking hero with washboard abs (check), tough villain who initially beats the sh*t out of the hero (check), hot female love interest who isn’t initially interested in the hero (check) and good old fashioned male-on-male brawling and violence which will make a blue-haired feminist run for the hills screaming toxic masculinity.
Sadly, Road House falls flat on its face. Troubled former UFC middleweight fighter Elwood Dalton (Jake Gyllenhaal who comes ripped to shreds for a straight to streaming movie) makes a living scamming fighters on the underground circuit (including Post Malone!) . He is repenting for his sin of losing control in the ring and killing his opponent. He is approached by Frankie, the owner of an unruly roadhouse in the Florida Keys community of Glass Key, who offers him a job as head bouncer. Initially hesitant, Dalton takes up the offer after narrowly averting a suicide attempt with a freight train that destroys his car. He takes a bus to Frankie’s establishment, simply called ‘The Road House,’ and befriends Charlie, a teenager who runs a bookstore with her father, Stephen (Charlie and her father’s entire purpose is to humanize Dalton and give him a “cause”).
At the Road House, Dalton initially fends off a motorcycle gang working for local crime boss Ben Brandt and personally drives the injured thugs to the hospital, where he meets Ellie (Daniela Melchior), a doctor who tends to his injuries. Staying in Frankie’s disused houseboat, Dalton mentors the other bouncers and becomes popular with the locals. After an attempt on his life by gang leader Dell, Dalton finds him lying in wait at his houseboat. He throws Dell overboard but is unable to save him from being killed and eaten by a crocodile.
Knox (Conor McGregor making his film debut), a psychotic enforcer, is tasked by Brandt’s incarcerated father to hunt down Dalton. After an unexpected date with Ellie, Dalton is threatened by Sheriff ‘Big Dick’ (we just have to assume he has a big dick but a name like that usually means overcompensating) to leave town at gunpoint but is rescued by Ellie, who is revealed to be the sheriff’s daughter. She explains that her father is in league with Brandt, who has inherited his wealthy father’s drug empire. Brandt meets Dalton at the Road House and taunts him about his past: in a UFC title fight against a friend, Dalton was overcome with rage and killed his opponent in the ring. Knox arrives with Brandt’s men, and an all-out bar fight ensues, leaving Dalton badly beaten.
Frankie admits that Brandt has been buying up property to build an expensive resort (which looks ugly as hell in the scale model), but she is the lone holdout. Dalton decides to leave town but discovers that Charlie and Stephen are in the hospital after Brandt’s men burned down their bookstore (remember when I said that their only job in the movie was to humanize Dalton?). Enraged, Dalton kills one of the thugs responsible and captures a sheriff’s deputy making a large delivery of Brandt’s illicit cash, framing the deputy for the murder and taking the money. The sheriff soon informs Dalton that Brandt has kidnapped Ellie and will exchange her for the money.
Stealing a motorboat to reach Brandt’s yacht, Dalton finds him with the sheriff, who tells him that the kidnapping was a lie to lure Dalton aboard, but Brandt reveals that he is actually holding Ellie hostage. Tempers flare as Knox approaches in his boat, but Dalton detonates a bomb and finds Ellie below deck. Fleeing the sinking yacht by motorboat, Brandt recaptures Ellie while Dalton commandeers Knox’s boat. Catching up to Brandt, Dalton and Ellie leap off as Brandt is launched on top of the Road House. Climbing ashore, Knox hijacks a pickup truck and crashes into the Road House, leading to a brutal fistfight with Dalton filled with more CGI than actual punches. When Brandt orders him to kill Dalton, Knox fatally snaps Brandt’s neck instead. He prepares to finish off Dalton with a shard of wood, but Dalton gains the upper hand and repeatedly stabs Knox into submission. The sheriff arrives, agreeing to cover up for Dalton. As Frankie and Stephen begin to rebuild, Charlie says goodbye to Dalton as he waits for his bus out of town. Stephen discovers Dalton has left them the trunk of cash as the bus pulls away. Love interest Ellie gets left behind apparently – one of the many inconsistencies in the movie.
Alright so let’s talk about the plot which is pretty predictable and not that interesting. The minor villain Brandt (Billy Magnussen acting the same way he always acts – mix of cocaine and surprise) is never scary and seems to come off more as a joke until the real villain Knox shows up. About Knox, I felt Conor McGregor did quite well in his film debut – he looks menacing, perfect coked out unpredictability and a lot of butt shots. It was a pity however, his fighting skills were not utilized properly considered the overuse of CGI. The other villains are your usual “get beaten up by the hero after saying a few lines” variety and again non-threatening. The Road House, for such a secluded location, attracts a pretty rowdy crowd and I wouldn’t be surprised if it closed down even without the drug-dealing gangsters considering how the regular people attack each other after a few drinks. The Road House owner, for a comedian, isn’t funny and her lines aren’t memorable either so no point discussing her. The love-interest Ellie is a tough doctor, who looks great in a swim suit. In terms of bringing acting talent however, the movie doesn’t offer Daniela Melchior much and the Portuguese actress isn’t able to offer much either.
So, let’s talk about Jake Gyllenhaal. One thing I know about this actor is that he COMMITS to a role. He looks tough as nails in the movie though a tad excessively good-looking for a guy who gets punched regularly. Acting wise, the movie doesn’t ask much of him, so he doesn’t offer it especially having seen Donnie Darko and Nightcrawler and knowing his range. Now, let’s discuss the real crap fest in the movie – the action sequences. What should have been the main selling point becomes the reason why you ought to avoid this movie. Excessive CGI, making you cringe and making the fights between one real UFC fighter and one pretender coming off as fake and dramatized. Can’t understand why Amazon MGM Studios was willing to pay so much money for the cast and the remake but couldn’t hire any real stunt choreographers.
JAY’S VERDICT
Watch this movie when there is nothing good on streaming but no need to hold your breath as it is as predictable as Joe Biden.
